We've contemplated if we wanted to try for baby #2 now or wait a few years, so with our decision quickly approaching I figured I would share Lyric's birth story. Baby #2 will be COMPLETELY different (for reasons I will explain in this post) so I thought it would be nice to give you a little insight to different deliveries! I can't believe I'm actually sharing this for the entire world to see, but after every thing I went through I can't help but shed light on how beautiful the human body is. What we, as women go through is such an amazing, selfless and painful journey that should never go un-noticed. So, I'm going to take you on my journey!
Every human body is different, the way you carry or deliver is different, so please don't be scared or compare yourself to me and my delivery. This story is not glamours by anymeans, so if your faint of heart this story is not for you.
Here we are at week 36, Lyric is extremely low although my belly doesn't look like it. He was measuring at 7 pounds (WHAT!) I'm a tiny 104 pound girl with a 7 pound baby at week 36? My husband and I were in disbelief, but we were told it wasn't 100% accurate so I was sure that wasn't the case. Then my doctor came in, checked me down there and said: "oh, his head is literally right there". Obviously when you hear something like that your first thought is "OMG HES COMING OUT?" Nope. Lyric was more then ready to come out, but my cervix wasn't thin enough for him to push through, so he baked a little longer. With a baby measuring at almost full term, my doctor wanted to discus a couple delivery options with me. She gave me the option of having a c-section given his size versus my size. She explained that she didn't want there to be to much strain on the baby. I told her absolutely not! If I was able to have him naturally I definitely preferred to do that over a c-section. (Obviously I would do whatever is in the best interest the baby, but vaginally was my first choice). Before I could even have a say in the delivery option she had to check my pelvic bone to make sure it was wide enough for him to even pass through. It was, so we finally decided I was going to have him vaginally. She told me to go for long walks and have a lot of sexy time and with all of that, he should be ready to come at any moment. That was music to my ears because as you could imagine, I was huge and ready to get this baby out of me! Although, I'm going to be 100% real... walking sounded miserable, but sex sounded even more miserable. Lyrics feet were constantly in my ribs so it was hard to breathe, I had terrible acid reflux anytime I laid down and every time I stood up I thought he was going to fall out. So theres that.
Week 37; We started taking nightly walks, which were hard but I knew it would be worth it in order to get this big ol' baby out! However, I couldn't help but wonder with every cramp I felt, every move he made and every jab to the rib "Is today the day?" I was patiently waiting for my water to break, loose my mucus plug or just to feel labor pains in general. So, the next night I get up to go to the bathroom, I wipe and feel a bunch of goopy stuff come out. I turn on the light and it looked like a big thing of snot, like the kind that comes from the back of your throat. I immediately knew what it was from doing a bunch of research on labor, it was my mucus plug. (I'm not gunna lie, I still google pictures to compare mine to other peoples to make sure thats what it really was.) I also knew from doing research that this wasn't a sign of labor, some people loose their mucus plug weeks before labor starts so I wasn't really phased by it, but more excited that the process was coming along.
Week 38; I took my weekly trip to the doctor like always to be checked for dilation. I was only 2cm dilated, so my doctor offered to do a membrane sweep. For those of you who have never heard of this, she basically explained it like this: Imagine a baby is ready to come out, but can't because there is stuff in the way which is blocking them, kind of like a cobweb. So sweeping the membrane clears the "cobwebs" and allows the baby to have a clear passage through. I said ABSOLUTELY! (I really wanted this babe out!) By the way; this hurt so incredibly bad but after you go through labor that seems like nothing. ha! A couple nights had passed and I woke up one morning feeling little cramps. Kinda like I was about to start my period but obviously I wasn't. Then, I notice I only felt the cramps in increments. I even downloaded a contraction tracker app so I could monitor them. I noticed I would feel the cramping every 5-7 minutes but it wasn't intense like people described it as. It also felt better when I was in a hot bathtub so I stayed in the bath almost the whole day so I wasn't feeling that annoying pain. I started googling "How do you know your in labor?" "What does labor feel like?" Well, that wasn't the best idea because every one had a different story to tell and I was starting to get confused on what I really felt. "Maybe my pain is actually worse then what I'm feeling?" "I think I do feel cramps" "Oh, maybe thats not cramps and its just the baby moving?" WHO KNOWS! Halfway through the day, I called my doctor and told her what was going on. She recommend that I go to the hospital. I called my husband who was SO excited that he couldn't help but rush home saying "were gunna have a baby!" Me on the other hand? I was so excited but I was literally a hot mess- like haven't showered in a few days, hairy arm pits & hairy vag type of mess. So, I took a shower, shaved all the parts I could reach, curled my hair, put on the only sweat pants that fit and was ready to rock and roll.
HOSPITAL TRIP @ 38 WEEKS; This was absolutely MISERABLE. Miserable I tell ya! We were sitting in the triage room, I'm not in server pain so I had to wait my turn to be seen. My cramps were starting to get worse, but I closed my eyes, blew some deep breaths out and got through them just fine. They finally call me back to take my vitals and everything was just peachy so we waited in triage for few more hours until they brought me back to check my dilation. I was only 3cm dilated and I had to be 5cm to be admitted. The doctor told me to walk around the hospital for a few hours and when I was done she would check to see if my dilation had progressed. By this time our families were already at the hospital grinning from ear to ear waiting for Lyric to arrive. My husband held my hand as we walked around the hospital for TWO hours praying I was starting to dilate more. As I was squeezing my husbands hand with tears rolling down my face we walked into the hospital room to be checked once again. Nothing had changed. They offered to give me a safe pain medication to help with the cramps and allow me to sleep a little, but I declined and took tylenol instead. It was such a disappointment because I wasn't feeling the best, I was exhausted, our whole family was there and we just wanted to meet our baby boy. So after spending 10 hours at the hospital we were finally on our way home empty handed. I didn't sleep much that night and spent the majority of my time laying in the bathtub, draining it and refilling it with hot water over and over again. Thats the only way my pain would go away.
The next day, 38 WEEKS & 3 DAYS; I laid in bed still in pain. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't move, I was just miserable. Again, I was praying he would just come out already. That night, oh that night. I will NEVER forget that night. I haven't slept, its now 11pm and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs in so much pain, clinching on to anything I could get my hands on. I didn't want to go back to the hospital because I didn't want to spend another 10 hours there just for them to send me home. I was constantly up and down between the bath tub and the toilet (It felt like I had to poop) and finally my husband got up and went into our spare bedroom so he could get some sleep before work the next day. I could feel when a contraction was coming because my whole entire body would start to clench and I got this weird sensation in my belly. I immediately started crying because I knew what was coming... It was now 2am and I kept having a contraction after contraction, I was screaming and I felt like I couldn't breathe; I just wanted to crawl out of my body. I finally called my mom and asked her what I should do. I was having contractions every 3 minutes so I would have to put the phone down, scream and clinch onto something and then go back to talking. She said "Brittney, it definitely sounds like you're in labor". So, bearly being able to walk I rushed out of the house and got into the truck. Every bump we hit felt like my insides were going to fall out, and our 45 minute car ride felt like 5 hours. We pull up to the hospital and they come out with a wheelchair and wheeled me back. They brought me straight into a room and checked my dilation, sure enough I was 5cm and in active labor. I obviously opted for an epidural because lets face it, theres no way in hell I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina with no drugs. Kudos to the supermoms who do it completely natural, but I wasn't even about to attempt it. They offered me two types of epidurals, one being a partial meaning it helped the pain tremendously but your still able to lift your legs and have some feeling. The second option was a full epidural which is where you are completely numb and cannot lift or feel anything. Your damn right I picked the second option. I didn't want to feel a thing! I got the epidural and everything was PERRRRFECT!
AUGUST 25TH, The day Lyric was born; I was laying on the hospital bed and I noticed I could still feel and move my legs, so I asked the nurse if that was normal. She replied with "Yeah, its normal. You just have to pivot your body to the other side and the medicine with drip to that side of your body" WHAT? I mean I've never had a baby before but that didn't sound right. I asked a couple more times and everyone said it was fine. So, I dropped it. They broke my water and told me I would start pushing soon. We were so excited!
PUSHING TIME! Okay heres where it starts to get interesting. After they broke my water and I was 10cm dilated it was time to start pushing. They do little pushes in the beginning for about an hour or so to get the baby to the surface. Those were a piece of cake. The whole time we were doing the little pushes our nurse was no where to be found and my husband was doing all the work and monitoring my contractions. She finally came in, checked me and told us she would get the doctor because it was finally time to start pushing for real, our baby boy was finally coming. She also explain that every women on our floor was about to start pushing too. We all went in labor at the same exact time. SO CRAZY! So, all the doctors were busy and hints why our nurse wasn't around. So we had a mid-wife delivering Lyric.
WHAT LABOR FEELS LIKE: I was in unbearable pain about half way through pushing so the Anesthesiologist was called in to give me shots of lidocaine in my vagina to help numb the area. He gave me those shots about every 5 minutes. Yeah you heard that right, SHOTS IN THE VAGINA! (I knew something was wrong with my epidural when I could feel and move my legs.) The question we ALL wanna know is what labor feels like, I'll tell ya. BURNING BURNING AND MORE BURNING. They call it the ring of fire because your muscles begin stretching (I'm mean REALLY stretching) to allow the baby to pass through and holy hell it burns. It feels like your submerged in fire and you can't get out. That's the only way I can explain it. I kept putting my hands down there thinking it would stop the burning sensation but the mid-wife quickly stopped me and my husband had to hold my hands down. When a contraction comes you feel the urge to just push, the only feeling I can compare it to is pooping. When the poop is just about to come and you can't hold it or control it. That's exactly what giving birth feels like, to me at least. They tell you to continue breathing through a contraction but in all honesty thats pretty impossible in my opinion. Your holding your breath because you have to push REALLY REALLY hard. I don't think any amount of classes can prepare you for that moment in time.
Anyways, after pushing for almost 2 hours and not making much progress (his head was stuck and my muscle wasn't stretching large enough) the mid-wife suggested she make a small incision to allow his head to pass through AKA an Episiotomy. I quickly agreed because I just wanted the pain to stop and the baby to be out! She made a small incision and BOOM! Lyric came flying out, I mean flying. The mid-wife almost dropped him because he flew out so fast.
LYRICS HERE! You know how everyone always talks about that over whelming feeling of love when their baby comes out that you forget about all the pain? I never had that moment. Here was a beautifully chunky 8 pound 15oz baby and the minute he came out and they laid him on my stomach (he had a REALLY short umbilical cord) I immediately wanted him off of me. I was in so much pain and knew that something wasn't right down there. I delivered my placenta (which was the best feeling ever! Like you just took a BIG ol' poop that was brewing for 10 years) and the mid-wife looked down and said "uhhhh can you call the doctor in ASAP, we have a 3rd degree- no, we have a 4th degree tear." "A WHAT? WHATS THAT? A 4TH DEGREE? AM I BURNED? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??" If you don't know what a 4th degree tear is... well heres what a medical website says "A fourth degree tear goes through the anal sphincter all the way to the anal canal or rectum. These tears require surgical repair and it can take approximately three months before the wound is healed and the area is comfortable." So as you can imagine I'm in a ton of pain, which is why I couldn't enjoy the birth or seeing my baby boy for the first time. They immediate started surgery to repair the tear. I had to be on pain medication as well as stool softners. My tear was so bad I couldn't control any bowl movements, it just happened. I felt like I was a baby again and needed a diaper. I couldn't believe this had happened. I just wanted to enjoy my baby and I couldn't because of how much pain I was in. I couldn't go to the bathroom on my own, I couldn't walk normally, I couldn't even sit on my bottom.
AT HOME; We finally went home and I was prescribed pain medication for a MONTH on top of the stool softners. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. I was so sad that I couldn't move around, depressed that I was all hopped up on pain medications and angry that I didn't choose the c-section.
3 MONTHS POSTPARTUM. I still couldn't move around comfortably, walk normal and every time I peed I had to pee in a bathtub of water. My incision was still raw so every time the acid from my pee touched it I cried because it hurt so bad. I was always at my doctors office trying every "small" procedure to fix the bad tissue that wasn't healing. I was so depressed and upset because I just wanted to live a normal life and enjoy my family. I thought I was never going to experience my "normal" again. Finally, I bit the bullet and decided to have a second surgery. They recut the original tear, cut all the bad tissue out and re-sutured every thing back together. It took a few weeks of couch snuggles and I was HEALED! Obviously it will never be the same, but I feel 99% better. In the grand scheme of things, I really wish I would have done a c-section and I wish my doctor would have explained the tears that could have happened. If I was educated on the possibility of a really bad tear I might have made a different decision especially knowing I was going to have a big baby for my body size.
BABY #2. Our next baby I am required to have a c-section. If I were to have another baby naturally, I will most likely tear again and I could loose all control of my bowl movements forever. Which, honesty I would never want to have another vaginal birth again after what I went through. Nope, no thanks. So stay tuned for baby #2 and I'll give the down low of my c-section experience. (No, I'm not pregnant yet!)
I can't say this enough, WOMEN ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL & THE HUMAN BODY IS INCREDIBLE. The next time you see a mother who didn't "bounce" back after a baby, a mother who is covered in stretch marks or a mother who has scars, visible or not. Remember every thing our body goes through in order to create another human being; The scarifies we make in order to ensure our babies safety while developing and the pain we endure to bring another life into this world. We are beautiful.